Irresponsible-who? him no its me.........

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend. We were talking about our common fren. I called him irresponsible, lazy -more than me. I know he is but not much like me. Today, it was Nepal Banda (Nepal Closed), have to catch the office vehicle to get to office. Last night, I thought I can get up in time and catch it. So started to watch the movies on cable, it was a nice movie called "Out Of Sight", many times i did not understand the plot still i enjoyed it. After it finished, i started surfing the cable, did not find any good one and the surfing went on till midnight..and thought i would go sleep but for one more hour i started the loop. put alarm in my cell. This morning i woke up and looked at the watch, i realized i just missed the van, shit.........!!!!!! then my inner voice started to curse me again, boy now take ur punishment, walk boy, walk to office and it was far very far. So i walked. I was wearing winter clothes as it was not summer yet, oh! it was hot, but i reached my office though late i reached. And in my mind, i realized i am more irresponsible and lazy not him. Its so funny. Again new lesson in my life.

Student Concession-r they worthy to have it????

Last time I was returning to my home, the conductor of the bus came asked for the fare. As usual I gave him 2o box and said got card though I don't have one. He asked for the card, I gave him the old one thinking he would not know that it has expired as it was in AD. "Busted!!!!!" But to my dismay, he found it out and asked for more fare but i tried to convince him that the new one is in the process of making. He was in no mood to let me go. and without arguing i gave the rest of the fare. I was not like this before, I would not have done before, but new day always makes you different. I was embarrassed, cursed the conductor but with my inner voice. When I reached my place and was about to get down, he looked at me like he had win the great war, with pride. I hated him very much very much. Later that night, i thought about it, i found myself wrong and he was just doing his job, i asked for forgiveness for what i did, felt guilty and said to myself "ok! boy, you would not do such things again, u would not cheat anyone" then i answered "ok".

The next day, as i told the incident to my cousin, he said "hey bro, give me ur photo, I ll make you a fake card" then i said, "right now, i don't have it. will give next time". See how fast i forgot my promises, and was ready to cheat again.

And yesterday, when i was returning home from my office in a micro, as reached near my destination, the conductor kid, have foul language but told the untold thing which is still hitting in my mind, he asked me, "why do these students need concession for roaming and having fun, the concession should be given to the people who do labor work day and nite just to feed once in a day??" I was speechless, just gave him a smile but was in deep think what should be done. He was asking the wrong guy i think.

The big question to me is that will i give my photo to my cousin or not???????????

Party, Party - it was Party

Partying was not one of my liking before. It was may be I was not able to interact with people, feeling shy as I am a shy guy, but yesterday evening, wow! I could not believe, I was partying like hell. It was the b'day party of two frens, lucky them. I danced though I had forgotten how to dance well. I don't have that special moves but I danced with all the effort. I was feeling good, not feeling shy, and one thing I hadn't drank much. Not only me all my frens were enjoying the party. Everyone was in good mood. The party ended in that place but continued it with some of us in our fren house. The night was to be remembered, will remember and hope all the frens will as we enjoyed a lot in our own ways.

I think the presence of my friends give me the strength to party.

YTC - A Place to change yourself

Yesterday, I was there, Youth Telecenter (YTC), two boys studying in bachelors heard something about it before from one of our powerful, intellectual, (don't have more words to define her) friend. They came to check out what's it all about. I explained them about what its all about and what we do. But i think, i was mumbling repeating same thing again and again. I hope they had understood me. Still i feel the conversation lacked the essence, the need of YTC. "Nobody is perfect" taking this in my mind, hey i at least tried my best to make them understand. May be now I can write whats it all about.

One of fren, who is the co-founder of the forum, went to ITU-conference in spain(i think), and he came up with the idea of "Better Nepal", an organization run by the youth of Nepal to use ICT as a tool of development when we were in bachelors. That time, I took it as granted, and didn't think about it very much. Later, I heard due to lack of ICT tools and time, they could not go ahead and have to drop idea. All the efforts went to vain, i thought.

After finishing the degree in 2005, my one year became unproductive in searching jobs that to with out any interest. In betweens i heard from him to join the forum as he had started it again with the same agenda but this time as a forum. But again i did not gave my brain any shock about it. But then it was too much. I don't have a job for a year, i was not studying due to some personnel problem. My mind was dull. I took a big decision to join the forum as i have to shift to next city.

-----First day in the forum-----

I was totally dull and don't have anything in my mind, whats going to happen, what will i be doing?? I met my friend and he invited me as he was very generous and kind. Where am I??? was the big question in my mind, as i attended the ongoing meetings of youth. I just listened to the great ideas to do some youth festival to mark World Youth Day. They were great really great. All seem to be very active, full of different ideas. Oh! my god.... what am i?? what can i do here?? why am i here?? I thought what ability do i have?? I will not be able to do work here. It was out of my interest as i was and am interested in technology. I didn't feel any need of the experience i would get there. I came to know its name was "Youth Information Center" aiming to provide platforms to youth to share and gain knowledge for their own development in turn developing our nation. Its a high profile aim, i felt. Though i felt out of league, as i like to accept challenges, i felt i will try to do my best to work there.

I came across different things there, the vast change too. Youth Information Center was changed to Youth Telecenter with broader and specific objective. Now it was supported by South Asia Nepal(SAP-N), South Asia Partnership International(SAP-I) and Bellanet as it was supported by SAP-N before.

Its eight months now i have joined. I found a drastic change in myself. Before i was shy, dull not much, could not speak in front of mass and many more but now the talent in me is coming to life. But still I need to progress coz i think "I am a learner till I die, need more".

YTC and my friend was with me in my high time and low, I need to be with it in its high time and its low. If not of them, I would be in different place, doing different thing that would not fit in my life. Its a place to change yourself-inside out.

Valentine's Day Gift from God

14 th Feb, time:around 2 pm, God also was happy about the valentine day or the earth's climate is changing, i was in both happiness and fear of what's going to happen next?? "It Snowed for few time" in Khumaltar, Kathmandu, where my office is located. In my whole life, it was the first time to see snowfall that to live-infront of me. "WoW" Though the snow gets watered as it hits the ground, the moment to be covered with little ice was also a great feeling for me. But i wondered why did it happened, is something drastic change is going to happen in our climate as one of my senior said "it happened after 52 long years". What could be the reason for it? but i don't want to know the answer as i was happy with the feeling of having snowfall live. May be it was a gift from god to me in this day of valentine-my first ever gift.

Irresponsible and taking everything for granted

Me, I don't have a very good family background though privileged. I know what i should do and what i should not. But still i am irresponsible and take everything for granted. Every time due to my lack of responsibility if something goes wrong, I start to complain myself-why are you like this, you could have done better than this, you could have make someones day. Then i start to promise myself to be responsible, to make things better- i feel good. I start to be responsible and work hard and you know the same loop start again-forget the things i promised myself and start over again. Today, something same like this happened, I complained, felt bad, promised and here i am to write my today's feeling in this blog. Oh ! God make me responsible and hard working fellow, but i know its me who can do that, not even him-he is there to show the way, me to follow, i am waiting for myself to follow the path. so the question is can i follow???

A New Day but still feel Lazy

Its always a new day. Same regular stuff. Wake up, brush teeth, wash your face, drink tea, get ready for office, same work in office, try to learn new things, chat with friends, go home, load shedding, watch T.V. eat and go to sleep to get up next day. Next day, a new day, but feel lazy to do those regular stuff. Oh! I wish I could do something else, have no responsibility, fly like bird, just go out, run like hell.